各位网友们好，相信很多人对英式笑话都不是特别的了解，因此呢，今天就来为大家分享下关于英式笑话以及英式幽默冷笑话的问题知识，还望可以帮助大家，解决大家的一些困惑，下面一起来看看吧！
本文目录一览
英式幽默笑话
话在文体上即文学样式上属于小说,因为它和小说“血缘”关系最近。笑话具有的娱乐功能是其首要功能。笑话虽小,但它含有极强的语言表达技巧和人类的高超智慧。下面是我带来的英式幽默搞笑笑话，欢迎阅读!
英式幽默搞笑笑话篇一
Thirstin for Love
渴望爱情
Thurston was in the habit of visiting his girl-friend's apartment from time to time,
沙斯敦经常去他女友的公寓住处，
but always managed to get home at a decent hour with a plausible excuse.
但他总是设法找个理由以免太晚回家。
But this time, both he and his girlfriend had fallen asleep,
但这一次，他和女朋友都睡着了，
and it was 2:00 a. m before Thurston came to.
当他醒来时都已经凌晨两点了，
Thinking fast, he immediately called home,
沙斯敦脑筋一转，立刻打电话回家，
and when his wife answered, panted, "Don't pay the ransom! I've escaped!"
当他太太接电话时，他故意喘着气说：“千万不要付赎金!我已经安全逃出来了!”
英式幽默搞笑笑话篇二
And Where Did You Meet Your Wife?
你在哪里遇到你太太呢?
Two acquaintances were in the barber shop getting shaves at the same time.
两个熟识的朋友刚好同时在理发店内刮胡子。
After the barbers had finished,
理发师刮完他们的胡子后，
each man was asked if he would like some after-shave applied to his skin.
两人都被问到要不要在脸上抹上一些刮胡子后所使用的香水。
"No, no," answered the first man.
“不，不，”第一个先生说。
"My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse. "
“我太太会以为我去过妓院。”
"Go ahead," said the other.
“我没关系，”另一个先生说道。
"My wife has never been in a whorehouse ! "
“我太太从没在妓院待过!”
英式幽默搞笑笑话篇三
A Touching Farewell
一个感人的告别
Two old friends were out golfing.
两个老朋友出外打 高尔夫球 。
As they were preparing to tee off near a road,
当他们在一处路旁准备开球时，
a funeral cortege drove by and one of the two friends took off his hat and held it over his heart until the line of cars had passed.
一列出殡送葬车队恰巧经过那里，其中一位朋友脱去帽子放在胸前，直到车队通过后才戴上帽子。
"Well, that was good manners on your part," said his partner.
“你这样做实在很有礼貌，”他的同伴说道。
"Oh, it was the least I could do.
“喔，那只不过是我最起码所能做的事了。
After all we would have been married thirty years next Tuesday. "
毕竟，到下星期二我们结婚就满三十年了。
英式幽默搞笑笑话篇四
A Half-price Ticket
半价票
"How much is the movie ticket?"
“电影票多少钱一张?”
"Ten dollars, kid."
“10美元，孩子。”
"I only have five dollars. Please let me in. I'll see it only with one eye."
“我只有5美元。请让我进去吧，我只用一只眼睛看。”
英式幽默搞笑笑话篇五
Failure in a Test
答案不及格
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
妈妈:这次测试你为什么得这么低的分?
Kid: Because of absence.
孩子:因为缺考。
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
妈妈：你的意思是答案那天你没去?
Kid: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
孩子:不是，是坐在我旁边的孩子没来。
英式幽默英语小笑话
英式幽默英语小笑话
1、The thief and the judge
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
法官与小偷
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
2、Jesus's Telly
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.
"But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.
耶稣的电视机
圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
“可是那个角落里是什么?”妈妈问。
“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。
3、What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden ?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
4、On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel. Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
圣诞节前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
5、Did You Know Him? At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal. "I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?" "Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."
你认识他吗? 在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。 一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。 “当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的 。你也认识他吗?” “有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。
6、中间战术Midway Tactics
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.
Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying,
"Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming,
"Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign
that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”
7、猪或女巫Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner,
he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。
他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪!!”
那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫!!”
他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。
要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
8、At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.
"Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said,
"No-engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的’礼物。
“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：
“不–在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
9、歌德的容忍
Goethe's Tolerance
Goethe was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar.
As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him.
Both of them stopped, staring at each other.
Then the critic said, "I'll never make way for a fool."
"But I will," with that Goethe retreated aside.
歌德的容忍
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的一条狭窄小道上散步。
碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。
两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”
“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
10、The Mean Man's Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.
Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said,
"Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow.
When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。
门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”
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